And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
