There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
