Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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