I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
