So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
