he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
