she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
