There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I feel like a drive thru vagina
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
