I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
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