If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize