Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
My feet surprised me
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