I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
