You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
