pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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