she woke up with a sticky ear
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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