I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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