Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
