24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
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