I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
