she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
