Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
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