My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
