It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
