i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
