my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
