So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
