After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
