Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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