What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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