Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
