my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize