I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Randomize
