the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
