He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
