They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
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