You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
