I can text with my tongue
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
