He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
