Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Success! We fucked roommates!
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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