My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
