I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
