I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
