New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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