Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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