My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I have tasted many bathrooms
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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