Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
