I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
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