MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
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