Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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