Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
