but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
