I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Your cock deserves a montage
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
