I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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