u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
