I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
