Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
