I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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