I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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