I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
