Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
