The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Randomize
