Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I need water and some morals
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
