booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
