you turned your livingroom into a bong?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
