It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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