I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
