I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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