Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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