and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
