I just saw a hot homeless man
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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