Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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