this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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