you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
