Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
