That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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