3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
