she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
