I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
