a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
