We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
