i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
