she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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