so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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