omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
