Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize