There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
