I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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