Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
